DYING SILENTLY…

Have you ever looked at the sky and appreciate it?

How about watching the sun as it comes up and put a light on a dark sky?

Or listen to the sound of the rain as it pours down on your roof?

If not, don’t worry… you’re not the only one.

I used to be one of those people who were too busy to appreciate nature;

… One of those people who got lost track in time;

… one of those people who never even bother to take good care of themselves, as long as they are rewarded.

But life is so unpredictable.

In a snapped of a finger, everything in my life… changed.

Everything I dream of, vanished in thin air;

Everything that I work hard for, got wasted.

Now, every single day of my life

All the things that I used to ignore, is now, being treasured.

But as days passed by and turned into months,

I realized, it’s always the same.

The color of the sky will always be blue.

The sun always comes up every morning

And comes down at night.

Everything becomes a routine.

Boredom, clearly, strikes in me.

Loneliness filled in my heart and mind.

I never felt so alone… so lonely;

I even felt so scared looking myself at the mirror,

Scared to see what I become… a failure.

Sometimes, I think of death.

‘Coz death seems to be a sweet escape;

A never-ending sleep that promise serenity.

But no matter how I tried, I always failed.

It’s funny because even death made me feel like a total loser… a failure.

Now, I’m here in my room, lying on my bed thinking all the mistakes and failures I’ve done in my life;

… the disappointment I gave to my family;

… and the false hope I once gave to myself;

I suddenly lose my interest in getting up;

And become too weak to start my day;

Because at the end of the day, I always know, I still end up like this… hopeless and desperate.

Maybe one day, hopefully, death will come and save me from my loneliness.

But until then, I will be here … dying silently.


#RememberanInspiringOcean

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Color of the day: Blue

This blog supposed to showcase my talent in writing fiction stories. But as you can see, I didn’t kept it that way. I let my feelings out sometimes. Just like this post…

I’m feeling blue because of the sudden changes happened to me. To sum it up — I’m unemployed… Again!

But this time, it wasn’t my decision. The company has certain problems and since I’m not a regular employee, they let me go. I didn’t know if that is good on my part. But I know I have to move on and have a fresh start.

But that’s the problem, I didn’t know where to start. I’ve applied and been interviewed by different companies for the past few weeks, but none of those companies seems to excite me. Or even if there was, I’m feeling scared for the reason I don’t know.

I started to have doubts on my capabilities. Maybe I’m not good enough, that’s the reason why they let me go. I know I shouldn’t think that way since the GM assured me that it wasn’t about my performance, that I met their expectations and they wanted me to grow with them. BUT… And the rest of it is history.

What am I going to do now? I’m turning 29 this year and still, I haven’t achieved anything yet. Pathetic right?!

Inner peace, where are you?


#RememberanInspiringOcean

 

It’s official… I’m unemployed!

6 months ago, I am very happy because I received a big break for my career. From being a link placement writer, I level up to SEO Specialist.

And when I finally meet the team, I immediately fall in love. My colleagues are very friendly, approachable, and humble. It’s very different from the people I used to work with. We are a family in here!

But the happiness that I felt that day ends today. I am no longer connected with the company for some very serious and confidential reason.

This just proves that there is no such thing as forever!

Anyhow, I don’t want to be lonely or depress (even it really is depressing because I need to go through again the difficult process of applying for a job). I will just look on the brighter side and that is, I gain a lot of good friends whom I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.

Also, I now have a lot of time to blog. So stay tune!


#RememberanInspiringOcean

A Minute With God

My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and will always bless you.

I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 secs. of your time with Me today .

Don’t pray, just praise. Today I want this message to go across the world before midnight.

Will you help? Please do not delete it and I’ll help you with something that you are in need of.

Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Please drop everything & pass it on.

Why do we feel sleepy in prayer, but stay awake through a 3 hour movie?

Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books?

Why are prayers getting smaller, but bars and clubs are expanding?

Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity, but very difficult to engage with God?

Think about it, are you going to forward this or are you going to ignore it because you think you will get laughed at?

Forward this to all your friends. 80% of you won’t. God said if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment.

When one door closes, God opens two. If God has opened doors for you, send this message to everyone…

God has no BLACKBERRY but He’s my favorite contact.

He is not on FACEBOOK but He is my best friend.

He is not on TWITTER but I still follow Him, and even without the INTERNET, I am always connected to Him.

He is not on gmail but He’s always online.

Forward if God’s been good to you!

God has been very good to me,  He has given me a wonderful family, great friends and so much more.

God has been my mainstay and has given me more than I could dream.​


I am not a religious person.

And I’m not pretending to be one.

I am sending this out to my blog and all of my social media accounts for two reasons: to praise and give thanks. HE deserves it. All the times that I needed HIM or HIS guidance, HE was there. HE never let me down even if I can only remember HIM in times of loneliness and in great need.

So now, I’m giving HIM my heart and soul.

L.O.V.E

How far will you sacrifice just for love?

Maybe for some, it’s a stupid question.

But for someone, like me, who doesn’t been in love all her life, it’s a tough question.

Yes, at my age, I never been in love even I already had a boyfriend.

But that’s not the topic of my post.

Moving back.

I watched a movie entitled: Jack and the cuckoo clock heart and suddenly it hit me. The story is not a very deep one like ‘A walk to remember’ or ‘The Notebook’. But it still caught my attention, and even broke my heart.

The story is very simple.

Jack was born with a weak heart. For him to survive, the midwife replaced his heart with a clock. His mother abandoned him after giving birth, so the midwife raised him as a son she never had. She guide and loved him. She also made three rules for Jack to survive. And guess what? One of the rules is not to fall in love. But of course, he did fall in love.

Sadly, even the movie didn’t literally showed it, his delicate heart stop upon receiving his true love’s kiss.

I’m not supposed to be mad or disappointed by this because killing is my specialty. I love my characters to die in the most painful way possible.

But with this, I guess I’m still a kid inside. A kid who still believe in happily ever after and Prince Charming.


If you haven’t watch it yet, this is the link: http://www.putlocker.tw/watch-jack-and-the-cuckoo-clock-heart-online-free-putlocker-2013.html